grlchaos

I want something else to get me through this...life. Baby baby.

Fri, 26 Mar 2004 05:08:46 PST

So today is a free day off for us lovely juniors. Sucks to be all u other fellows.

Its almost 1 and at 1'30 i have to call the school and see if our softball game is still going on. I hope so. Id soo much rather play then have practice again. Ohh well.

So after our game/or practice, me and marissa are suppose to be doing something. Now what, i have NO clue. I was suppose to pick but i hate making decisions so ill make her decide.

Yesterday me Nina and Shannon went to go see Secret Window. We ran into Steph and Ashlee there. They sat a couple seats behind us and Steph threw jawbreakers at us. haha. Secret Window reminds me of Fight Club. Just like how he thinks its someone else doing all of them things but really its him. But if u never saw Fight Club i guess u wouldnt know. Now would u? What a good movie.

And then on Saturday, I have SAT's. Me Sarah Steph and Nina are all going together and afterwards we are going out to eat and then maybe me and Nina might go hang out with Hayne and Nick. I dont know about that for sure yet.

Im talking to Donald. I went to Walmart this morning with my mom and stopped to see if he was working but he wasnt. [sadface]

I have a busy weekend this weekend. But thats alright i like it like that. Its better than staying home.

Im listening to Third Eye Blind, Semi Charmed Life. Good Good stuff....

Speaking of Good Stuff. Me and Phil havent gotten to talk alot recently. It makes me sad. Hes busy working and all that bad stuff and im busy with softball. It sucks. Phil if ur reading this i want u to know that i miss u hunny.

IM NOT LISTENING WHEN U SAY GOODBYE! GOODBYE! Semi charmed life.

Could u whisper in my ear all the things u wanna feel id give u anything to feel it coming. Do u wake up on ur own wondering where u are. Live with all ur faults. I wanna wake up where u r. I wont say anything at all. So why dont u slide. Yeah im gonna let it slide..... Dont suppose ill ever know what it means to be a man.

Im out....gotta figure out softball stuff. Yeah!

My salsa.

Tue, 23 Mar 2004 13:21:45 PST

Once again yet but another headache.

Yesterday was Monday. I had PSSA's. Not bad. Had softball from 5 till 7ish and went to Dinos after. I drove with Marissa to her house. Waited for maegan and shayne. And they got in our car and we were off till Dino's. Nina and Sarah came (even tho they quit). It was them, me, marissa, maegan, shayne, jodie, steph and katie. Thats all i believe. It was fun. Finally we arrived home at 15 till 9ish. Well thats when i got home. Marissa prolly got home way before that. And the other girls traveled before us. Anyways yeah.

Today was another day of PSSA's and yet again softball. No comment on softball. Maegan drove me home, she was saying it looked like i was gonna cry. And was asking me what was wrong. All i said was Im gonna become a "YSCQ" *kiddingly* but if u dont know what that is. I guess i cant tell u.

So Hayne and Nick IMed me today. Nina wants to do something with all of us. Fun.

Phil got on the computer 10 minutes before he had to BE at work. Just to talk to me brefiely. What a freaking sweet kid. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 haha

Im now talking to Phil McCuen. He learned a Dashboard song all by himself. <3<3<3<3<3 Acoustic <3<3<3<3

Anything else. Oh yeah. Today at softball when we ran, me and melissa lapped EVERYONE at least once. Even the FASTEST girl we caught up to at the last second and lapped her twice. So i was excited. I like sprinted the whole time.

Anyways who cares.

So im gonna see how much of the new Eminem song i know off by heart.
Feel free to correct the lyrics. Im just going by what i remember.
These chicks dont even know the name of my band
But their all on my like they wanna hold hands
Cuz once i blow they know that ill be the man
All because im the lead singer of my band.

So i get off the stage right and drop the mic
I walk up to these hott chicks and im all like.
"whats up ladys my names slim shady im the lead singer of D12 baby"
Their all like "ohh my god its him"
"Becky oh my freaking god its eminem"
"i swear to freaking dude u freaking rock"

"please wont u please let me suck ur cock"

And by now all the other dudes start to get jealous
Especially when i drop the mic and do my acapellos.
And all the chicks start scream
All the hott chicks throw their bras and their shirts and their panties on stage.
Its like every single night they pick a fight with me
But when we fight its kinda like sibling rivalry
Cuz their on stage the next night with me
I think their just trying to steal the light from me

Yesterday kuniva pulled a knife on me
All cuz i told him jessica ali is my wife to be
This rock star shit is the life for me
All these other guys just despise of me

Because...

These chicks dont even knwo the name of my band
But their all on me like they wanna hold hands
Cuz once i blow they know that ill be the man
All because im the lead singer of my band.
My band my band my band my band my band

Verses later....

Girl why cant u see that ur the only one for me
And it just tares my ass apart to know that u dont know my band.

These chicks dont even knwo the name of my band
But their all on me like they wanna hold hands
Cuz once i blow they know that ill be the man
All because im the lead singer of my band.
My band my band my band my band my band

Im the lead singer of my band and i make all the girls take off their underpants
Im the lead singer of my band, my salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance
My salsa, Whoa whoa look out for my new single its called my salsa.
My salsa, salsa, salsa, salsa my salsa.
My salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance and take off their underpants.
My salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance and take off their underpants.
My salsa.
Whered everybody go?

Thats the only full part i know, the rest im still trying to learn haha.
So what i bleeped out the bad words too haha.

If u got an impulse let it out.

Sat, 20 Mar 2004 13:55:11 PST

I have a terrible headache so i dont know how long or well this will be.

So Phil got home today. We've been talking almost all day. I missed him.

Morgan is making me go to his show on the 27th. It should be fun.

I have a feeling me and Ashley are gonna be come good friends. By Ashley i mean Ashley Novachek.

Which brings me to my next point. Ashley Holmquist is a horrible person and i hate her. She says me and Steph have a smart comeback to everything she says and she wants to punch us in our face. So i decided im gonna say something to that waste of a body girl on Monday. Cuz shes "all that " right Steph. Haha yeah right. Kinda like every guy has a secret crush on her. Ohh yeah riight.. Get over urself. More will be said in person.

Sarah is a sweet girl and doesnt deserve anything you do to her. Back off.

Morgans talking to me. We are actually holding a conversation. Im kinda shocked. I remember when he sat beside me in computer class and we did this one project. Well we had to draw a map and get them from the school to our house. Well i couldnt get them there. I am horrible with directions. Well Morgan doesnt even live in my town but knows it better than me. He did the map for me. It was sweet.

Im so excited for this season to start. Softball. I just think its gonna be a blast. Im sure it will be. Great people. I can see me and Ashley <3 becoming good friends.

I am leaving...Head Hurts.

Whats up ladies my names slim shady, im the lead singer of D12 baby.

Fri, 19 Mar 2004 14:47:28 PST

So im sitting here listening to "My Band". Dont ask.

So today, Varsity was decided from JV.
Heres how it went down.
Ive been nervous all day, real stressed out and afraid i wouldnt get on the team. So it was the end of practice and they posted it on the side where we could not see it yet. We did our "1-2-3 cougars" and i walked straight to the locker room. I didnt even want to see if my name was on the list for varsity or not. I couldnt take it. Next thing i know, Melissas coming in after me going "Did u see the list yet?" I shook my head. She was like "GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW!" So i started to walk out. As im walking out everyones telling me to go and look at the list. Im like dont tell me, ill go see it myself. I get to the list and looked and the first name i saw was mine. I was so wicked excited. I didnt even look at the rest of the names. I pushed Marissa and she smiled. Cuz of course her and Maegan made it.
Anyways i wanted to tell Phil i made it BEFORE anyone else. But i couldnt hold it in anymore. Plus hes like one of the only people that read this. So its like im telling him first.

After practice i went out with Nina and Sarah. We went and stopped at Shop N Save and then went to Eat N Park. It was a good time. I enjoy them.
I guess Casey called. But i missed her call. </3

I hurt my wrist yesterday or the day before that. Today i could barely move it to do anything. It hurt so bad. I tried my hardest to push through the pain. It hurt. AND then while we were getting grounders my finger got jammed. And it was numb for the rest of the practice. It still hurts but u know. Its alright, im playing.

Also the other day i got to talk to Phil McCuen again. I was shocked. That was prolly the most ive gotten to talk to that kid in a long while. Hes always so busy.

There is a poker tournament tonight. Its only 10'30 and so many people are already out. It's sad. It was for big bucks this time. 300 dollars. I wonder whos gonna win? Who cares? Anthonys out already and hes the only one i talk to that is going.

Ahhhh I have so much excitement.

Obviuosly something on TV was just funny. My brother and sister just started laughing hilariuosly at the same time.

I was gonna write something in here. But i forgot what it was.

The Pitt game is on tonight. I dont see how so many people are making a big deal out of it. Everyone is watching it they were talking about it in school and about getting groups of people together and ordering pizza and all. Now if it were a college softball game that would be different.

Speaking of college softball. Tuesday if we dont play our game, we get to go out to Pittsburgh and see Tracy pitch for West Minister. Im excited i hope we go.

I think im actually going to bed early tonight. Im bored and i got nothing to do. Due to the fact that Phil is still in NYC and hes usually the one i stay up late talking to. So i might go to bed early. Or i may get off of this wretched machine and contemplate many matters thats wander in my mind.

Sweet dreams. Since i wont be back to write.

PHILS COMING BACK TOMORROW NIGHT. BE HAPPY!

I turn around another kid broke the lamp.

Thu, 18 Mar 2004 21:48:28 PST

I just got done checking for a two hour delay, since Marissa told me to this morning. No delay. Is there even snow outside? Oh well.

Today is friday, finally. This week wasnt so bad actually. I had one really bad day Tuesday and i thought it was gonna be a bad week, but it wasnt.

Today Varsity gets seperated from JV, i dont know what im on. Either way im playing.
Practice right after school today till about 4'15ish.

So Ashley is obsessed with wrestling i guess. Or some John dude. Whatever. Shes a freak. But i love her so its alright. Me and Marissa are going down to her homeroom this morning instead of ours. I go down there alot.

Ive been singing this all week. "This is the story of a girl who cried the river and drown the whole world, and while she looks so sad and lonely there i absolutely love her when she smiles"

So Sarah is quitting if she doesnt make varsity....She better not. Ill kill her!

Theres a big poker tournament this weekend. I dont get it. How could that be that fascinating? It doesnt make sence to me.

So...

"These chicks don't even know the name of my band...
But they're all on me like they wanna hold hands...
Cuz once I blow they know that i'll be the man...
All because I'm the lead singer of my band..."
I had that in my info yesterday and its rap. I get to softball and so many people bombard me with questions asking me why i have rap in my info. I could only say one word in response "MAEGAN!!!" It is fully Maegans fault. We both know this.

I dont really know what else to write. Im out of words.

So im leaving with this note.

Phil, thanks.

I miss you.

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 21:52:26 PST

So this isnt going to be super long.

Yesterday was an amazing day for once. We had softball from 7 till 9 and i was still hyper the whole time. Which made me do good. I was so hyper in school and i couldnt figure out why. NO one was there yesterday including some of my teacher. Some students skipped due to the fact that it was Anthonys birthday and they were all playing poker at his house. Sarah came to school and then just left. Yeah just left, after she signed in and everything, she then didnt stay for softball. But after school i came home and sleep from about 3 till 4 and i randomly got up and my dad was holding the phone over me. It was Nina, i called maegan and told her i didnt need a ride tonite. And then Nina came and got me, we went to shop n save and then to her house. <3. Practice went really well. I was excited. For some of the practice we split off into groups and we watched this movie. Its suppose to help our throwing or whatever, but we were the returning players. So we kinda knew what we were doing, plus we watched the same movie last year. Ohh well we like to talk, so we did, and we kept getting told "shh!!" haha riight. Then we got grounders and i did really good for once.

Anyways. So Phil just made my day. I didnt get to get on any last night cuz i was gone for so long, but coming on here now and seeing his post just makes me happy. And the comments. Ahh thanks so much Phil. I hope ur having fun up there. Not too much fun though. lol. Phil Thanks.

Its 5.45 in the morning and as usually im not getting ready for school. haha. I think today should be a good day. im in a good mood already. Thanks to my wonderful friend Phil.

Im leaving to go and find something to eat. Maybe.

Another sleepless night.

Tue, 16 Mar 2004 21:41:40 PST

So today is Wednesday. Yeah. Closer to Saturday.

Yesterday started off as a good day. I was hyper and not able to sit still in many of my class. Okay lets go through the day. Nothing happened till about 4th period. I had a double period of physics 4-5 till 6-7. I ended up falling asleep. So did Alyssa and then we got called to the board. I jumped.
Next at lunch i sat with some cool people. Nina and Kelly and KJ. I think Ashley and Steph got mad that i left them, ohh well i cant sit there anymore. What next? Ohh 10th period Pre Cal class. I was so effin hyper i kept being weird. My teacher already thinks im crazy to begin with. I consulted Anthony many times that period. Its alright Anthony, Carvey still loves u.
Finally softball. Right after school in the gym. Before practice actually started i was hyper and then we started to run and i realized how bad my ankle actually hurt. Then throughout the practice i was frustrated at myself and i just wanted to quit right then and there. It took alot for me to just not walk out. I love softball and as many of u know its my life, i just like had a breakdown yesterday with it and everyone on it. And i walked up to Ashley since i love her and told her i think im gonna quit. She was in shock and i walked away before she had the chance to say something. She went and told Marissa cuz she knows im close to Marissa too. I could tell Marissa knew just by the way she was looking at me when the coach was talking. After the coach was done talking i started walking to the locker room and i felt someone pull my arm backwards as if to stop me. It was Ashley, she was talking to me and said im not quiting and she was asking what was wrong and i just started crying. She goes no no no ur not crying on me. So i walked into the locker room and gathered my stuff. I walked back out and Marissa followed me. She asked me what was wrong and i said nothing. Then she said she already knew as she smiled. She said she knows everything. Then we talked.
Anyways Maegan brought me Heather and Shane home. We at first stopped at Kay Vays cuz Maegan had an interview for a job, which she got. I came home to an empty house with no note.

Anyways i talked to Sarah later that day. Shes a bit on the down side too. We tried to help each other. We gave each other someone to complain and cry to. lol. So now its a new day and im gonna try super hard today at softball and try not to be like yesterday.

Phils still gone and im going crazy. Its nice coming home and having him to talk to (of course when he doesnt have work lol) Ohh well i hope hes having fun up there.

Ohh my i almost forgot. I talked to Phil McCuen yesterday. Its been awhile since ive talked to him last. Im happy. He made my day a little bit better. Thanks Phil for talking. What a great guy. Too bad we dont get to talk alot anymore.

Thats all for now. Im patiently waiting for Phils return.

Ysc all the way, Representin'.

Mon, 15 Mar 2004 21:58:11 PST

Yesterday was day one of Phil being in NYC.

My day was booked shut.
I woke up at nine, ran to a window to see if it was nice out. It was nice so i went back to bed till about 11'30, Since we didnt have school, inservice day. I got up talked to some cool softball people and tried to figure out for sure what time practice was. My guess was 3'30. I called his office many times listening for a message, finally there was one. So i was off to call or IM the people i said i would.
Anyways, softball was softball. Not bad. After softball nine of us went to Dino's. I drove with Marissa to her house to drop off her car and then Maegan came and picked us up and drove us to Dino's. While me and Marissa were driving to her house we had many laughs. Nina beeped at us and scared the crap out of us, Marissa had a clean car and she told me her story of how she broke the sweeper at the place she cleaned it at. Wow. She was mesmerized by the biker boys and their bikes half of the time. Anyways so we get to Dinos and Mackenzie was already there and put our name on the list, so the wait was short. After we were seated, Sarah, Nina, Jodie, and Steph arrived. They all went home and got changed and then Sarah brought them. Our waitress hated us. She got smart with Sarah, then only brought her 5 wings, so she had to wait for the other 5, She wouldnt refill any of our drinks, and then talked about us to the other waitresses. Whatever. Marissa wanted to lick her arm. We also almost got in a rumble with the table behind us. Yeah they were cool. Marissa wanted to throw a wing bone at them. But we were saving it for after we were done eating. We were gonna wait for them in the parking lot. haha. On the way out we ran into Steph and some of the HPC. So us being who we are, now are called the YSC. Dont mess with us or we will kick ur butt. So everyone came out to our car to see the "dance" Shane and Maegan made up. Ohh god, me and Marissa already saw it cuz we rode with them. Then everyone was off to go home, except us. Our car went to the mall, Me Maegan Marissa and Shane. We tried to get Marissa to try on a dress but it didnt work. She was clearly distracted by the bike in the window. Biker chick. Then we were on our way home. Me and Marissa had a hitting fight the whole time in the car to the mall and on the way home. Wow. It was crazy. Marissa got dropped off first cuz she was the closest to where we were and then Shane and then me last. Maegan drove. But i arrived home around 9'00 last nite.

Now im sitting here once again not getting ready for school. Does it matter? lol.

So i miss Phil already. I have till Saturday to go. Then he said he'll call. I got a full Phil-less week ahead of me. :(

Anyone hear the new Eminem song? I like it. I hate rap, but this is like the first rap song ive liked in awhile. Its great.
Im trying to find the lyrics but i cant seem to find it.

I think im gonna go and sit around. I do have school.
I dont understand how it can be so nice out one day and then snow the next. It was nice yesterday and today its snowing. WTF?!?!

Bye

YSC

Ur always throwing kisses in the sky, well tonite i caught one.

Sun, 14 Mar 2004 12:50:51 PST

Well this weekend was utterly amazing.

Friday i had softball till about 430. I got hit in the lip, only i would do something like that. I got home around 5ish. I called Phil and waited for him to come and get me. Eventually he came and we were off for our adventure for the nite. We went to the mall, target, walmart, back to target, and then best buy. Maybe somewhere else too. I forget. But it was amazing. Id go anywhere with him, cuz hes fun and special.

That was my amazing Friday evening.

Saturday, i did nothing. Mark slept over Friday night so i played some Halo with him and my brother in the morning. Me and my sister took a walk around town and grabbed some grub. Talked to Jaclyn later that day, only wanting to help her. And we ended up fighting, once again cuz of someone stupid. Im just trying to warn her, trust me ive been there. But hey, i cant control her actions. Even tho i love her dearly. Ive now moved on and i am Happy. Yes Happy!!!!

So today was Sunday and yet another amazing day with an amazing guy. I went to church and Phil came. He sat beside me. Then i went with him and hung out. We traveled back to the mall so he could grab some stuff for his trip tomorrow. Went back to his house brefiely. He called Jamie since she tried calling him three or so times last night. :( Long story. Then we went to the Shawls for Alissa family bday party thingy. His family and her family are really close friends. Phil had to make an appearance for some reason, so i went with him. It wasnt that bad. I had fun. Phil made it fun. He like tackled me for this football thingy. Wow. It was crazy. We got the kids wound up and then we left.
Cool day.

So now im sitting here, its 830 and im wondering what tomorrow may hold. Of course i have softball even tho theres no school. I want to go to Dinos with some cool softball people.

Im planning on staying up late tonight and talking to Phil as he packs for his trip to NYC tomorrow. He will be gone tomorrow morning early till saturday morning late. Wow, sad isnt it? I think so. Thats a long time to go without talking to him.

I wonder if i bothers him that i write about him in here. haha. hmm...

So write now im listening to Anberlin.
I cant wait for Blindside to come already. Im so excited, i cant wait to go.

I want Dinos. I hope we go tomorrow.

Ohh by the way. Everyones so different anymore. AND im so happy i dont associate with them anymore. Cuz im so much better off now. Leave me alone. Thanks.

Closure.

la la la la la

Thu, 11 Mar 2004 09:13:45 PST

This ones for you Phil.

So i told Phil i was gonna update this morning so he could read it in school. BUT my retarded internet wouldnt turn on...it was quite sad. And also, Phil i may have softball earlier tomorrow so i may be able to go out earlier. I will call you as soon as i get home hun.

Chelsea....we need to talk. Like old times. You remember them?? I dont know maybe u dont. But i miss them.
And it may be what u were thinking.

I like how i have exboyfriends or their friends that dont like me to be happy. Its alright. Everytime i get happy and move on, you try to come back in my life. Come to a realization that i dont want you there. Cuz honestly i dont. Let me the ef alone.

I just got home from softball. It was fun. We were outside even with how cold it was. I thought it was warm. I am getting sicker tho. And the main coach on varisty told the coach on JV that i did really good today. I think he might have been trying to hint that i may be on varsity...I hope.

So my closer friends on softball would be Marissa, Sarah, and Maegan. I cant wait till another softball hang out haha.
Ohh and hey Ashley Novachek is becoming a good friend. Me and her spend some "Bonding" time in homeroom today. Me her and marissa are gonna do it again tomorrow morning. lol
Marissa was gonna take me home from softball today cuz Maegan almost left WITHOUT ME. haha

Amandas leaving for vacation tomorrow.... Sad.

Im out for awhile.

Maybe more later. Im trying to find someone who wants to go out to eat